Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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