I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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