I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
