My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
