i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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