as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
