I could have mohawked her pubes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
