Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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