Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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