is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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