I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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