WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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