Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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