the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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