piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
