girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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