This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
