I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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