when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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