Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
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his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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