Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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