and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
