Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
