And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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