the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
