I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Life is so much better after having sex.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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