Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
