you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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