This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
