So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
