Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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