the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
