You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
