You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
