Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
