Nicole vs. Life
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
