I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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