theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
