well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
