I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
