I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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