So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
