I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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