Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
