I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
