who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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