my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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