i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
