You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
