didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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