I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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