I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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