I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
