Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
its not stalking. its research.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize