Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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