When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
