it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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