i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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