I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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