he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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