Swine flu. Run for my life!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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