We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
