He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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