i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
