Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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