You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
