it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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