Can Purell be used as lube?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
