I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
