Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
