I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
