After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
In other news, I just burned my penis
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
